Dear Ladies,
Finally I get to start the last of the series I have set up for this blog – this time, using the voices of women who have been in your shoes, women who have struggled, enjoyed, cried and laughed their way through pregnancies. Here they are – unedited and completely in their own words – women’s truth and what they learned. No judgements, just experience.
I hope it helps you in your journey!
Collette
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Things to Consider Before, During & After Pregnancy – Michelle, 35, mother of two kids (3 and 5)
Gosh…where do I begin! When Collette asked me if I was happy to contribute my experience being pregnant, and now a mom of two cute little kids, I thought it would have been an easy task! Two weeks later, I still don’t know where to begin! Being a working mom for a 3 and 5 year old is a constant juggling act. Not having any family living in Perth with me no matter what does make a big difference to my daily life. I do envy friends who have aunties or parents who are more than happy to have their kids even for an hour for you to grocery shop peacefully for one hour! Trust me…it does make a BIG difference when you shop with or without kids. And if you have one child or multiple kids!
Right after I got married. The first question you will get from everyone is when are you having kids? It will be so cute! Your babies will look so cute! The husband also said the same thing. I want my mini-me running around and I can’t wait to start a family! They all paint such a beautiful picture that it is so easy to have babies. I had one friend who was the only one who was honest to us. She even wrote in my baby shower card wishing me good luck and told me to say goodbye to my sleep and freedom forever! I thought she was so negative and mean for saying that instead of being happy for me to be a mommy soon. Boy I was so wrong and she was so right!
Before you decide to have a baby…here are a few questions you need to ask yourself first…
- Is your husband/partner really onboard with this? Is your relationship so strong that you know he will definitely be there for you when you need him the most? Because you do need help believe it or not!
- What are your parenting strategies? Are you guys on the same page? Because it will be a BIG problem to start with if you are not on the same page. And no he won’t change after the kid is out. Do not even expect that!
- Do you have any family members or anyone whom you can really rely on to help with some baby sitting or the house work? Not everyone has the luxury to hire a nanny!
- Do you plan to go back to work? Are you an ambitious type? Having a child is a real commitment and no matter what some women might say about you can have it all! I still think it is bulls@t. No matter what, some things will have to be compromised. If you want a successful career, it will mean that you will have less time with your kids…even if your kids can travel with you to work…you will not really be present as a parent emotionally and mentally for them. It is the quality time that you spend with them that creates the bond. And an alternate to get your kids their own iPad or iPhone and shove them in front of the television is the worst thing you can ever do to your child. I am sorry but it is lazy parenting.
- What is your relationship like with your husband? Because it does change your relationship with your husband. To have the whole family together is great. You may work so well together as a team parenting your kids but are you great as lovers? So you guys need to sort these priorities out and be on the same page.
So you are now pregnant…intentionally or unintentionally…what do you do now?
- Enjoy all the attention you and your bump is getting now! Because once the baby is out…no one really cares about you anymore!
- Enjoy your freedom while you can! Do everything you want to do as if you are still a free person! Go on lots of date nights with your partner especially to any festivals or movies as you won’t be able to do too many of them or any of them once the bub is out!
- Eat anything! I ignored all the advise on what you can eat and what you can’t eat. Just be sensible! Of course you can eat salads! Just be sensible! If they look fresh and you are eating at a good outlet…why not! I had poached eggs…smoked salmon…lots of cold cuts…soft cheese…sashimi…everything! My rationale was…kids these days have too many intolerant and allergies…maybe we are being too careful! Both my kids can eat anything and have zero allergies. I would like to think that my theory is somehow right?
- Buy only clothing that is comfortable with great quality material but still look good! I did not invest at all in any maternity clothing because most of the maternity clothing out there were pretty ugly. Where was AYLA Maternity (thanks for the plug Michelle!) when I needed pretty and comfortable stuff! I loved showing off my bump so everything I wore was tight but comfortable.
- Don’t let yourself go! Yes you are pregnant and you can eat anything you want…but be sensible too…getting rid of those extra weight after your baby is born is a lot harder as you will not have any time for yourself at the gym! Dress well even if you are pregnant because when you dress well and look good…you will feel good too!
- Happy mummies make happy babies…it is so true!
- Enjoy ME time! Take a break for yourself and enjoy quiet moment for yourself because you won’t have much of that once bub is out!
- Have a sleep routine figure out before your bub is out…Read a book about sleep routine and start planning ahead on how you would like to establish a good sleep routine for your baby. There are so many books out there and it can be overwhelming. Find one book that you agree with in terms of routine and stick with it. Just remember…to have a successful routine established…you need to follow exactly what you are taught and it will take a good 10 – 14 days before your child gets the hang of it. Just have faith and trust that it will work. If you start from day one…you will enjoy the benefits a lot earlier…I have been to Ngala (sleep clinic) twice with both my kids…and I am forever thankful for all the strategies that I have learnt. My kids are the best right now when it comes to their routine…
No matter how tiring it is having kids…I never regret being a mommy…you do realise then what is unconditional love and those kisses and cuddles and giggles that you get from them…outweighs every hardship. It makes my journey more worthwhile!
Michelle
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